I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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