I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
