what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
