Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
