he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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