I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
