if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
