Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Houston, we have a squirter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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