Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
