you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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