If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the condom got lost in my hair
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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