he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My penis needs a shock collar
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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