I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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