what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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