Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
