So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
