I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
