you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
