I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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