why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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