He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
