i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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