Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
