I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
