I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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