He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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