Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
