i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
