SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize