Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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