this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
