I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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