Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mom said you looked used
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
