Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
