Whod you bang
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
