I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
