It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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