He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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