somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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