Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
