you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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