dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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