do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
