My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
