I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
