So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
