i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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