dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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