Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
