Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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