According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
