two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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