You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
