Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
