wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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