Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
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So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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