I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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