she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
