if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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