So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
