Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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