This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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