Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
