omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
