I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
