my vag is so smooth its legendary
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
