woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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