Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
