is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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