i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
