Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

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(714): View more from California

Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

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(937): View more from Ohio

She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.

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(309): View more from Illinois

remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills

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(815): View more from Illinois

So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.

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(518): View more from New York

Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday

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