So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
