Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
