I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
