if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
