I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
